The Hold Me Tight™ Program

We have already learned so much about the bonds of love … Hundreds of studies tell us, for example, that love is an exquisitely logical survival code and that the ability to reach out, clearly state your emotional needs and respond to your lover’s emotional need for comfort, reassurance and connection is the key ingredient in love. … -once we understand the bonds of love, then we can actively shape these bonds in a way that is new for human lovers. We can have love that lasts a lifetime.     ~ Sue Johnson

The Hold Me Tight™ Program

Conversations for Connection – A Relationship Education Group for Couples

Based on the book

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

By: Dr. Sue Johnson

www.holdmetight.com

Who:    Couples interested in understanding and strengthening their intimate relationship. What:    An 8 session educational program based on the theory and practice of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. The first session focuses on the new science of love and what it teaches us. The next 7 sessions focus on helping couples shape and use the seven conversations laid out in the book Hold Me Tight. Two experienced clinicians (husband and wife team) will facilitate the group using presentations, video clips and in class exercises. Homework exercises will be offered . Each couple will need to obtain a copy of the book. This is not a therapy group. When:   8 Mondays, beginning March 1, 2010 and ending April 19, 2010, from  6 to 8 p.m. Where: Alafia Oaks Professional Park, 150 E. Bloomingdale Ave., Brandon, Florida Cost:     $640 per couple.  Registrants must commit to all 8 sessions.  **** Contact us at 813-769-9039 to register!   Space is limited!

Break Out of the Routine

When you have been with your partner for awhile, it is very easy for things to become routine.  After all, you are with this person every day, doing the same things.  Get up, go to work, come home, sleep and do it all over again the next day.  Over time, you begin to have a set way of doing things together, especially when it comes to sex.  Think back to the early times in your relationship.  An important ingredient, back then, was novelty (newness).  It was exciting to wonder what was going to happen next.  It was all new!  The good news is that you don’t have to get another partner to get that sexual novelty back.  The newness can be created in your sex life.  So, this month’s challenge is for you to break out of your sexual routine.  Below are just a few areas you can change up to help you get started: 

1. Try a new way to initiate sex.  Instead of just asking them if they want to have sex, surprise them with a romantic scenario such as a bubble bath, wine, rose petals, candles, etc or a sensual dinner that you prepare and slowly feed to your partner.  Or send your partner sexy notes or text messages throughout the day. How about trying fun nonverbal ways, such as long slow kissing sessions or sensual touching and caressing. These will certainly let your partner know you’re in the mood. 
2. Try new lingerie.  Wearing something new (or even nothing at all) can make you feel extremely sexy and can certainly create a new spark for your partner. 
3. Try a new sex toy.  These are not meant to be replacements for your partner.  Think of them more like fun aids to add some newness to your sexual repertoire. There are so many to choose from (for men and women).  We suggest you take a field trip together to your local adult store and have fun exploring the possibilities!
4. Try a new location.  Instead of sticking to the bed, venture out to other parts of your home when your kids or roommates are asleep. There are many areas you can try out.  (Location Warning:  If you are thinking about venturing outside of your house or anywhere in a public place, be careful.  Having sex in public is illegal.)
5. Try a new sex game.  There are so many of these to choose from.  There are sex dice, cards and even board games.  One thing we like about these sex games is they remind you that sex is supposed to be fun. 
6. Try a new position.  Venture beyond the missionary position.  There are many books and videos that show other positions you can try.  Please don’t hurt yourself trying to get into these positions.  Just get ready to laugh and focus on having fun!

Again, these are just a few areas you can change up to create some novelty in your sex life.  There are lots of other ways not mentioned in this article such as exploring sexual fantasy play and role playing, etc.  Remember, novelty can create more desire and passion.  So, don’t be afraid to change things up!

Does better sex lead to success at work?

Hello Everyone!

 

We wanted to let you know about a new sex study.  This study suggests that men and women who have healthy sex lives at home find more success at the office!   

 

To watch the video from the Today show, click here.  (4:39 minutes)

 

We hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

Spice Up Your Senses!

We connect to our world through our 5 senses (taste, smell, vision, touch and hearing).  But unfortunately, when it comes to sex, many couples forget to slow down, notice, and enjoy all of our senses.  Sensuality is defined as excessive devotion to sensual pleasure. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?  Sensuality is an important part of creating more passion in your relationship.  So, this month we wanted to give you a few ideas to help you begin to explore and enjoy sensuality with your partner:

1. Taste:  Try feeding each other chocolate, strawberries, etc., or using flavored products like Honey Dust Body Powder by Kama Sutra or flavored massage oils and lubricants to awaken your taste buds (warning: if it contains sugar, of any kind, keep it away from your genital area!  A bad infection definitely ruins the fun.). Or better yet, just enjoy the natural tastes of each other.
2. Smell: This definitely goes along with taste.  Focus on the smells of the strawberries, honey dust, etc., or on the natural smell of your partner.  You can also try using scented massage oils or candles.
3. Vision:  Create ambiance or romantic and sensual surroundings by dimming the lights, using candles, sprinkling rose petals on the bed, and/or wearing sexy lingerie.  Fun tip:  heighten your other senses by using a blind fold!
4. Touch:  The skin is an amazing sex organ.  Thus, how about giving each other a sensual massage?  When you touch your partner, focus on the texture, temperatures, and contours of your partner’s body.  What do you notice and feel?  To spice things up, try using other objects with different textures such as a feather, cotton ball, ice cube, rose petal, string of pearls, etc.
5. Hearing:  Put on some soft, romantic music in the background or just listen to each other’s sounds (their breathing or the sound of their voice whispering to you).

Again, this is just a sampling of ways you can begin to spice up your senses and ignite more passion in your relationship.  Now it’s your turn.  How do you awaken each other senses?  We would like to hear your comments.  We hope you have a great month and as always, wishing you more connection and passion!

5 Ways to Seduce and Flirt with Your Partner

Click here to listen to this article (3 minutes, 9 seconds).

 

 

Last month, our article was 5 Tips to Ignite Passion in your relationship.  Each tip offered just a sample but could be a full course meal, so to speak, all by itself.  Thus, over the next few months, we will be covering each of these tips in more detail.  This month we are focusing on ways to seduce and flirt with your partner daily (not just when you want to have sex). 

 

But first, lets define the words seduce and flirt.  To seduce means to entice, tempt or persuade someone into a desired state of being.   (Sounds like fun, huh?)  And flirt is defined as a casual, playful romance.  (We like that too!)  Now, why is it that flirtation and seduction seems so effortless at the beginning of the relationship but as time goes on…they are only done as a prelude to having sex?

 

For some people, seduction and flirtation is an art and is considered equal to, if not better than, sex.  So, this month’s challenge is for you to seduce and flirt with your partner more often…more specifically, every day.  Here are 5 ways to help you get started:
 
1.  First, you’ve got to get yourself into the seducing/flirting mindset.  . Your view of yourself is going to have a major impact on your behavior.  So, start thinking of yourself as the “Seductive Temptress” or “Don Juan.”  Play with this role and have fun!  
 
 2.  Think back to the early days of your relationship, when you were dating and courting each other.  How did you let your partner know you were into him/her?  How did you behave?  Make a list of these behaviors and start doing them again!
 
3.  Tempt your partner by dressing the part.  Don Juan or the Seductive Temptress is not going to be wearing sweat pants, t-shirts, and flip flops, etc. on a date.  So, next time you are out with your partner (or are having a special night at home), dress in a way that sends the message, “I want you to be attracted to me”. 
 
4.  Entice your partner nonverbally. Convey your sexy thoughts of your partner with your body language.  For example, try to communicate “I want you” with your eyes only.  Gently rub your partner’s arm or lightly touch their face. 
 
5.  Don’t just think it…say it.  Tell your partner your sexy thoughts about them.  Let them know what’s on your mind.  Give them real, not generic, compliments.  For example, instead of saying, “You have a nice smile”, tell him/her why and what you specifically like about his/her lips. 
 
 
Remember, have fun and enjoy!  As always, wishing you more connection and passion!  Please feel free to contact us with topics you would like us to address.

          

Many blessings! 

Top 5 Relationship Excuses

In May, Dr. Wayne Dyer launched his new book, Excuses Begone! How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits. This is a wonderful book about how your excuses hold you back from living the kind of life you want to live. “It’s too risky.” “I’m too busy.” “I can’t afford it.” “All excuses are misalignments,” Wayne says. “You can indeed change anything about yourself. Don’t underestimate your own personal ability to make just that happen.”

How does this relate to relationships? Well, unfortunately, everyday we hear all kinds of excuses from couples that are preventing them from reaching their relationship goals. This is so sad because the majority of these couples have the desire and ability to change but get stopped short by their excuses and negative thinking. Thus, in honor of Dr. Dyer’s new book, we decided to share with you the top 5 relationship excuses we hear so often from couples.

1. “We are too busy.” or “We don’t have enough time.” We hear this too often. We act and behave based on our values, thus what they are really saying is, “We are choosing to make other things (kids, work, etc.) a priority”. This could be one of the factors for such a high divorce rate.
2. “We are too tired.” This is definitely related with number 1. Today, people are so busy with everything else; they are not slowing down long enough to recharge their own batteries, so to speak. How can you give to anyone or anything, including your relationship, if you are not giving to yourself? This goes back to a saying discussed by Dr. Dyer, “You can’t give what you don’t have.”
3. “You shouldn’t have to work on relationships.” In fairytales maybe, but in real life, relationships do take effort and work. We would like to know who came up with this excuse. What in life does not take work and even effort to maintain? We work on and maintain our cars, houses, yards, etc. A relationship requires attention and effort on a daily basis. This relationship “work” however, doesn’t have to be bad or even hard.
4. “Why bother, he/she won’t change.” This excuse is putting all the power and responsibility on the other partner to change. Change can and does begin with you. Start focusing on the changes you need to make in the relationship. Sometimes when you make healthy relationship changes, it can help motivate your partner to make healthy relationship changes too.
5. “We don’t have the money.” We often hear this when people first call for information about our counseling/coaching services. Yes, we understand the economy and the increased concerns and worries about finances. However, what is the cost emotionally and financially of breaking up a relationship? Or the cost of a divorce, emotionally and financially? Change can happen by reading a relationship book, attending relationship workshops, or even attending counseling sessions. Thus, relationship change doesn’t have to break the bank.

What excuses are currently holding you back from having the kind of relationship you want to have? If you need help challenging these excuses, please feel free to contact us. As always, wishing you deeper connection and passion!

5 Tips To Ignite Passion

1. Seduce and flirt with each other daily…not just before you want to

have sex. We all want to feel desired and longed for by our partner. So,

show and tell your partner that you want them (really bad)…many times

throughout the day!

 

2. Be creative with all of your senses. Remember, you have 5 senses

to play with (sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch). Try to incorporate

all of them the next time you have sex. Make it a game!

 

3. Break out of the routine. Try a new way to initiate sex with your

partner…instead of just asking them if they want to have sex. Change it

up!

 

4. Try something new. How about a new lotion, video, toy,

game, position, and/or location (location warning: having sex in public is

illegal)? Novelty can create more desire and excitement!

 

5. Have fun! Sure, we know there are times when you want to be

romantic and make love. But sex can also be adult “play time”. Don’t

be afraid to laugh and be silly. Just looking at some of the positions,

toys, etc. can be funny!

 

Wishing you more connection and passion! Please feel free to us contact with topics you would like us to address.

Many blessings!

 

 

What Beliefs Are You Confirming?

     Has this ever happened to you?  You wake up in the morning and think to yourself, “This is not going to be a good day”.  Then, throughout the day, you see tons of reasons why you should have never left your bed in the first place!   If so, it’s because of a phenomenon called confirmation bias (a term that’s discussed in many Psychology classes).  It means we have the tendency to look for evidence to confirm our beliefs about things, instead of looking for contrary evidence to test our beliefs.

 

     Using the example above, we woke up with the belief that the day would not be good and noticed all the evidence that confirmed our belief about the day.   There may have been several situations that have disconfirmed our belief, but we simply overlook or ignore them.  This bias can impact many areas of our life including our relationships.  Just think about it.  For instance, if you believe your partner is lazy and uncaring, then you will have the tendency to notice and focus only on the situations that prove your belief (“See, he/she is really  lazy and uncaring!”).  You do this instead of checking to see if your belief is false.  So, based on this concept, here’s our relationship challenge for the month: 

 

1. First, become aware of any negative beliefs you have about your partner.
2. Then, challenge yourself (really challenge yourself!) to look for evidence or proof that disproves or contradicts your negative beliefs. This helps you test your beliefs about your partner. 
3. Finally, when you find proof that disproves your beliefs,  let them know you noticed the good stuff they are doing!  Acknowledge and thank them.
4. If you have difficulty with this challenge or feel your negative beliefs about your partner are true and you need help, please feel free to contact us.

  

Wishing you more connection and passion!  Please feel free to contact us with topics you would like us to address.

Many blessings! 

 

Relationship Lessons Learned at the Health/Fitness Expo

Wow…we can’t believe it’s already March!  Time truly does fly when you’re having fun.  February was a very busy but  truly fun month for us.  In fact, just this past weekend,  we had a lot of fun at the  8 on Your Side Health and Fitness Expo.  We had the privilege of having a booth at the expo to promote something very near and dear to our hearts…relationship health (which we feel is right up there on the importance scale with one’s physical health!). 

 

We were amazed as we watched people walk by our booth.   There were so many people who are serious about their physical health and fitness…in other words, running and cycling are not just a hobby or a “have to” to them.  They were actually interested and excited about exercising (like we would act at a chocolate, relationship, and/or sexuality expo)!  We even learned that many of the people who came to the expo actually came from out of town to run in the Gasparilla Distance Classic 15K and 5K races!  Wow!!  We learned so much from being there and many of the lessons can actually be applied to relationships: 

 

1.  It takes a lot of focus and hard work   

We definitely learned that this “working out” thing takes a lot of focus and hard work!   The amount of hours and training that is involved..wow!  And hopefully there is no surprise here…so does a relationship.  It takes focus and conscious effort to work on and nurture a healthy relationship over time.  

 

2.  Persistence, dedication, and commitment pays off

 

We learned this from the many runners who ran in the Gasparilla races.   We’re sure that lots of runners had many thoughts of quitting and giving up throughout the race, but they didn’t.  They remained committed to the process and chose to forge on.  This can also apply to relationships as well.  When things get difficult in your relationship, do you quit or do you remain committed to working things out even if it means seeking help from a professional?   The key here is that both people need to be willing and able to make individual changes to work on the relationship.   (However, we definitely understand and agree that there are situations when it is actually healthier to leave an unhealthy relationship.)

3.  It helps to have good equipment and supplies (“tools in your relationship tool bag”)

 

We saw many vendors selling exercise shoes, clothing and equipment such as the T-Roller (www.T-Roller.com) to help the athletes perform at their best.  It is just as important to have healthy tools in your relationship tool bag.  The tools include but are not limited to healthy communication skills, relationship empowerment tools, books, relationship coaches and counselors, and other resources to help you perform at your relational best.

 

4.  Having a support system 

 

Just like with exercising, it’s important to have a support system for the relationship.   You and your partner are each other’s support system.  You’re a team that is, hopefully, working on the same relationship goals.  Since we know change is difficult, support and lots of positive reinforcement is very important.  This also means being willing to seek outside support from a professional when needed. 

 

Again, we believe that focusing on your relationship health is just as important as your personal health.  Thus, this month we challenge you, if you have not already started, to start making your relationship health a priority.  We wish you more connection and much love.   Please feel free to contact us with topics you would like us to address.

Many blessings!